Nadine, Nadine
by King Cheetah
Summary: Peapod Kid must come to grips with Nadine's invite to the Sadie Hawkins dance; but what does her boyfriend Brainy have to say about this? Intrigue and Smootchery! Please RR
1. Chapter 1

Nadine, Nadine by King Cheetah

These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.  
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it.  
Enjoy.

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This morning, I am the first to arrive to lunch, and as such, set about making the table ready. It is the habit in our group to each bring a dish and share the bounty of our tastes in the luchroom, and today I've prepared my contribution with care. Checkered tablecloth and center piece in place, I begin laying out the portions of poached salmon, then ready the sauce. My friends begin to joyfully assemble and add to the table's bounty, but they are merely shadows; 'she' finally arrives.

Nadine is, as always, beautiful beyond all human reason. Graced and graceful, she glides to the table and settles herself in with the fluid motion of a exotic avian, plumes radiant in the soft light of the cafeteria.

"Good morning, Pea Pod Kid..." and she smiles the smile that fixes all.

Only she still calls me that and only she is given leave to do so. I return her smile and cast a quick glance across her gorgeous frame. Skin deep tanned and flawless, platinum blonde hair in a stylish pageboy, delicate slim figure and round inviting bosom. How this beautiful creature has haunted me! Why do I continue to torment myself with my proximity to her!

For a time, I endured lunch without her, but swallow-like, I'm compelled to return to her. I know it would be better if I were to relocate, but the thought of doing without even these small moments together is intolerable.

She catches my look and in an instant, through our eyes we've said everything to each other that can be said. Again she gives me that little shrug; 'I'm sorry'. What are you apologizing for Nadine? Your happiness with Brainy? The love you share that I couldn't hope to match? She is all too aware of my feelings, and I think feels the same helplessness as myself.

We went to Camp Snee-Oosh together as a bonding exercise. Our love, young and fresh, needed this time together from family and everyday life, and summer camp appealed to both our love of the outdoors. This was to be our time to grow together and explore each other, and admittedly, to add to Nadine's collection of insects. I too was there in that raft that day, Nadine at my side, and I will forever be haunted by her shriek as the raft tipped and she was flung from my grasp.

But as the fates would have it, I was one of the first pulled from the raging waters, and at the time counted myself lucky. Now the notion seems laughable. I would trade all to have been in Brainy's shoes those nights as they fought for survival, but the doubts consume me. Could I have held up as he did? Could I have been as strong, as determined to save the two of them? Afterwards, Nadine and I talked and hugged, so glad to be together again, but that fragile time was shortlived.

Slowly, she and Brainy drifted together, bound by that common nightmare. I watched helplessly as she grew farther from me. Tearfully, she apologized, the first time of many. She couldn't explain it, but then, she didn't need to. I could see the way in which they looked at each other, no longer the awkward youths of the camps first day, their souls had fused, now a gestalt of being. I still had place in her heart, just not the same place.

Brainy arrives at the table, and he and I enact a daily ritual. Eye to eye, we give each other a slight nod and unspoken thanks.

Thank you for bringing her back alive.

Thank you for being a gentleman about this.

When I saw the writing on the wall, I met with both of them and declared their union holy in my eyes; I would do nothing to interfere with their happiness. Tearful hugs from both, Nadine would later tell me how very much this meant to her. What could I say? My love for her was true. I can't even work up the strength to hate Brainy. Quiet, thoughtful, kind and generous, he is a worthy surrogate to my love for her, and the happiness he gives her is actually a slight comfort to my situation.

As the meal settled into it's comfortable groove, Helga stood to address the table. As we were all well aware, the Sadie Hawkins Dance was fast approaching and as it was considered 'oh so passe' for a young lady to simply ask her boyfriend to attend, the girls were set on shuffling the deck within their group. Without missing a beat, she spun about and leveled her gaze on Nadine's soul mate. Grinning like a shark, she cooed,"Brainy, would you be a dear and go to the Sadie Hawkins Dance with me? Please?"

Nothing could compare to the look of stark terror on his face, with the possible exception of the look on MY face when Nadine asked ME to attend. Me and... NADINE! Dancing, holding her, the scent of her in my arms... The room seemed to close in on me and with Olympian effort I managed to string several phonemes together into a weak affirmative. I think for the first time, Brainy TRULY understood me now that he was to be trapped for an evening with the one woman HE couldn't have.

Brothers in terror, we look to one another for support.

The dance cards filled quickly after that, Helga/Brainy, Tommy/Marianne, and so on, though the finest moment had to have been when all five members of Lila's wolf pack asked Thadius to attend with them as a group. Phoebe clapped with glee at the notion of El Curlito as the alpha male and got an odd little smirk on her face when Arnold accepted her invitation.

Lila, upon realizing that she couldn't simply ask Gerald to accompany her, simply stated that she wouldn't go, and could not be desuaded from this decision by a petulant Helga. Gerald, ever the gallant rogue, likewise said that his evening would be better spent with Lila in supper and cinema, and Lila's grin was the perfect end to the meal.

Through it all, I managed to maintain some semblance of my dignity (or so I'd like to believe) and took a moment to steal a quick look over to Nadine, who graced me with that beatific smile as she slid a plate of Yaketori skewers across the table to me, which this wicked temptress knew to be my favorite.

Dammit, you girls planned this all out before hand. Now I face an evening that I dared not dream of, and I'm not quite sure I'm up to. Dreamlike, she'll be mine again for a brief moment in time, and I think I'm quite prepared to accept that as victory conditions.

But Helga wasn't quite finished. "Now then, I'd like to believe that we're all tight and easy with each other, right? We all trust each other, so let's have a public show of hands; everyone's cool with this, right? No hard feelings or grumbling about the pairings?" All nodded and voiced acceptance of the plan, the wolf pack being especially up for this.

Helga just grinned at the show,"Excellent! Dress is party casual, but let's keep it looking sharp, and photos of both the group and couples will be taken, so dress accordingly. Each girl will expect one kiss at the evenings end, so stock up on Altoids guys..."

My throat almost seized shut.

A KISS!

Brainy and my eyes met again in another shared moment in Hell. What was the meaning of all this? What were the girls up to? Brainy was visibly trembling, or perhaps my own tremor only made him appear to.

Oh dear God, this is almost too much to bare. As they say, be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it... in spades!

I just hope Helga goes easy on poor Brainy, as I'm told they have some manner of history behind them...

To Be Continued...

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	2. Chapter 2

Nadine, Nadine 2 by King Cheetah

These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.

Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it.Enjoy.

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It's always the same. The laughter of my fellow campers, Nadine's infectious smile, the roar of the rapids, the vertigo of the capsize, Nadine calling my name... blackness. But the nightmare begins as I open my eyes, for in my waking hours I am all too aware that I'm without her. How much of the recurring dream is memory, and how much is imagination helpfully filling the gaps is of little importance. It has passed from incident to legend now, and I embellish both the good and bad, and am saddled with the most painful version.

Showered, dressed and down to breakfast, it's all I can do this morning to maintain a civil facade to my family. Tonight, doom befalls me, for this evening is the Sadie Hawkins Dance, and I am to accompany 'her' this evening... heaven, I'll dance in the arms of an angel divine, until, like Persephone, I'm returned to hell for the remainder of my time.

Breakfast is a suitably ghastly affair, as my mother and my darling sibling Chastity debate the social merits of a naval piercing, and why she was without one, while my father is in full retreat behind the latest issue of WORLD AFFAIRS. Sighing, my thoughts return to her, as I dare to indulge in a multitude of unrealistic fantasies of the evenings outcome. Nadine, sobbing in my loving embrace as I comfort her after Brainy is crushed under a falling piano, and the like...

The bus arrives a tad early, so I'm winded as I stumble towards an open seat near the back, and collapse back, trying to compose myself. Eyes closed, I breath deeply and consider the day ahead. She'd been infuriatingly vague as to any and all details of the event, either during or after the dance. She merely disarmed me with that little look that she knows full well turns my bones to pudding, and blithely assured me that all concerned would have a fabulous time.

Gahh! How you mock me in my torments.

I'm roused from my pitiful torpor by a soft chuckle and an all too familiar voice,"I feel your pain, brother. Who would've thought that Hell would replace the river Styx with a limo ride and dress code?" I open my eyes to see Brainy in the seat ahead of me, leaning over and looking much better without the piano.

Smiling, I say,"Cover charge at the dance will be a poppyseed and honey cake tossed to the three headed bouncer. How are you holding up, old boy?"

His invitation to the dance had likewise been but boon and bane as Brainy stood before the doors of Chapel Perilous in anticipation of the evening with his own Salome, Helga G. Pataki. As I was haunted by Nadine, so he too by the fearsome firebrand at Arnold's side.

Our ride to school was pleasant enough, and our chat just served to reenforce my begrudging fondness for him. Finally, I could bare it not longer and asked,"Um, Brainy... has Nadine said anything to you about tonight? I mean, in regards to me, or should I say 'us'. Well, you know what I mean!"

His features took on a somber air as he fidgeted in his seat. "Well, yeah but... I've been sworn to secrecy by both Nadine and Helga. Um, sorry..." he smiled weakly.

Drat!

"I see. Say, Brainy... are you alright with all this? I mean, we all agreed and whatnot, but still... you ARE okay with... Nadine and I, correct?" Again, I'm favored with a quiet smile,"Ron, you've never given me a reason not to trust you without question. In fact, I will let you in on one little secret; the idea of Nadine asking you to the dance... that was me." I was thunderstruck.

"Y-you! This was YOUR doing? But why!" I said, near panic.

"Because I can't think of a better guy to entrust her to." and again the grin.

"But the Helga thing, well, that was really outta left field. Nadine's little joke. I wonder if... if Arnold is okay with me taking her?" and he furrowed his brow.

Laughing, I said,"Oh, PLEASE! There is no man walking the face of the earth so confident in his situation. I dare say you could have Helga handcuffed nude to you for a week and he'd not bat an eye! Trust me old boy, you're in no danger of the wrath of Arnold." and it was my turn to smile.

The bus ride and chin wag with Brainy had done wonders for my attitude and I wouldn't be lying if I said that I was beginning to enjoy the coming evening. At school, I prepared to head off to homeroom, when I noticed the oddest look on Brainy's face, "Thanks a lot Ron! Now I've got that Helga nude and handcuffed image burned into my brain for the day..."

Sharing a laugh we parted company and I stepped quick to my morning's classes.

At lunch, I was again rewarded as Brainy had some manner of business or another to attend to and was off in his labors, and as such, Nadine doted and fussed over me in ways I'd only know in dream. Oblivious to the other diners at our table, we laughed and talked in a way I hadn't known since... summer camp, and it was life renewing in ways nothing else could be for me.

Secure in the trust Brainy placed in me, I enjoyed the hour more than I normally would have. Warmed by her radiant beauty, cooled by her still inner peace, I was the sole inhabitant in an Arcadia of Nadine. Too, too soon, it was time to return to studies and Nadine graced me with a smile as she offered that she was beside herself in anticipation of the evening; an evening that now I would gladly stretch into an eternity.

But such unbridle ecstasy in one person would upset a greater cosmic balance, and so, warped gods sought to bring down my spirits. As I stooped to enjoy a drink at the water fountain, I chanced to catch a scrap of a conversation taking place around the corner between Helga and Arnold.

"So, you're SURE you're okay with all this? I mean, I think Brainy REALLY needs this now, but I won't do it if you're uncomfortable, and I mean that!" said the sweet voice that Helga only uses when speaking with Arnold.

I could almost hear his grin as he reassured her that his faith in their union was unshakable. "Besides," he said, "I'm more worried about Nadine. This whole moving thing must be murder for her."

Helga paused a moment, I think choosing her words with care, "I've talked with her a long time about this and she feels it's for the best. Their relationship has changed over time and she thinks that it's better for Brainy to start finding his own life without her. The move will be a big step for both of them, and he needs to get on with his life..."

I'm without the capacity to think coherently.

Moving.

Oh dear God, it's all so clear now. Nadine is moving away, and tonight, THIS night was to be her going away present to me. This explains several cryptic references made by Brainy this morning during our chat. Despite my own pain, I can only think of poor Brainy. I lost her long ago, but he is losing her now, and in this moment of crisis, Arnold selflessly allows the love of his life to comfort and give succor to him in this dark hour.

How will either of of make it through this night?

To Be Continued...

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	3. Chapter 3

Nadine, Nadine 3 by King Cheetah

These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.

Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it.  
Enjoy.

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It is said that whom Gods exalt they first force to pay exorbitant limo rental fees. Now make no mistake, I am by no stretch of the imagination a man of limited means, and were it necessary, I alone could have covered the fee, which if Nadine and I were the sole occupants, had a certain appeal to it (three times around the city, my good man, and take your time...). But even divided amongst the hapless gents to Nadine and Helga's scheming, I feel we were all giving up a kidney. Thank god we weren't saddled with tuxedo rentals on top of this indignity... well actually, I already own a tux, but I think my point still stands.

Dress was to be what Rhonda referred to as 'High Intensity Casual', a calculated casual look meant to convey just how cool you really were, so I opted for a little hounds tooth number I hadn't given a proper public airing yet and my best matching slacks. A deep umber shirt and no tie, and I was set.

A quick call confirmed that the flowers sent had indeed reached Nadine's house before she departed, and on his way back, the delivery boy dropped off her corsage here with me. This was a tad outside the bounds for a Sadie Hawkins dance, but I'd compiled a small almanac of rules I intended to break this evening and this was as good a place to start as any.

As Nadine and Helga had said they'd be meeting us at the dance, the limo was not quite as packed to the gunnels as it might have been, but it was a tight fit none the less. Brainy and I were the temporary bachelors, and as such, we bore witness to the other couples in our overpriced coveyance. Arnold and Phoebe were the first in before my arrival and had I not known them so intimately, I'd have sworn they were an engaged couple. I can well imagine Helga demanding that he treat Phoebe as he would her, if anything to balance her evening with Brainy. Oh what tangled web we weave, and I can't help but smile.

Next up Marianne and Tommy looking very smart in a blazer and power tie, making me momentarily rethink my fashion game plan, but now was not the time for it. Lastly, we engorged Thadius and the oh so fine wolf pack... come to think of it, i really should make some effort to learn all their names.

Strutting like a Jersey cock, El Curlito was absolutely amazing to watch as he clucked and prinked for this clutch of hens, and for their part, they were a sycophantic cyclone of activity about him. Smile while you will you leering braggadocio, no man could maintain this level of attention for more than a single evening, but it will be enough to propel you into the mythic ranks of players amongst your peers.

The mood is light and pleasant, and given any other circumstances, I'd be in high spirits, but given the weight I bare as the man who knew just a little too much, I'm driven to distraction. Nadine, and presumably her family are moving away, and poor Brainy is to be set adrift to try and reclaim her love in someone else. I'm quite used to my own pain, it being a dull toothache in the soul, but the thought of another fellow, a fellow I gladly call friend, going through this is difficult to stomach.

To his credit, Brainy sits across from me, matching my mood and temperament note for note; a dueling banjoes of misery. As we pull into the school parking lot and disembark, I pull him aside before our respective emotional burdens have a chance to collar us. "Um, listen Brainy old man, I... I know about the move and all that and I wanted to say..."

Brainy went ashen as he grabbed me by the collar,"Oh god, Ron PLEASE don't let her know you know about this! This is all really important to her. She's worked so hard on it, please I'm begging you, just play along for the evening. For her sake!" I am amazed that even now he can only think of her happiness, but why should this surprise me; were I in his shoes, I'd do the same thing.

For his sake I agree just as we see Nadine and Helga approach. They both look ravishing, but Nadine shines all the brighter in my eyes. Both are wearing designer jeans and tube tops, with open blouses over them, color matched to be polar opposites; Helga blue/red, and Nadine red/blue. Looking over to me quickly, Brainy whispers,"We who are about to die salute you!" and it is all I can do to remain standing as we share a laugh.  
I lack the words to describe the next two hours, save to say imagine an orgasm slowed almost to a crawl, and drawn out to ninety-eight minutes. She is in my arms again and I cease to be, all that remains is my love for her burning in the heavens. Nothing else exists but her and my love for her. We laugh and glad-hand together, slow dance at every opportunity, relishing the feeling of so much of her pressed against me, and steal private moments to just talk.

My only respite comes as she excuses herself to the powder room, and I risk nitrogen narcosis decompressing from her presence. Looking about I spot Helga and Brainy locked in a slow languid embrace dancing to no music I can fathom save that which they brought within themselves. I recognize his lack of expression as a totality of being, ultimate fulfillment, a Buddha like oneness with that which is Helga. I know, I've been there myself in Nadine.

Can this be good for us?

How will he cope with seeing Helga every day after this evening?

Then again, how will I cope...

As she who must be adored returns from her porcelain sabbatical, I find myself in a fine funk. This night is too much for me, or rather my concern for Brainy is beginning to consume me. As she takes my hand, I put on a good face as we return to the festivities and I'm once again lost within her. The dance is scheduled to continue another hour or so, but our little group plays by it's own rules evidently, and I am informed that it is time to gather ourselves and proceed to a post dance bash.

Well, this is new.

Each couple poses for pictures and as promised, a goodnight kiss. Thadius took his sweet time as he fawned over each and everyone of his charges and melted each one in turn with a white hot kiss, to the delight of all. It hardly seems fair for a sixteen year old to actually possess a harem, but I suppose it's all part of our really modern times, as my father might say.

Arnold, apparently following instructions planted a kiss on Phoebe that I could almost taste across the room, and who after a moment of recovery, walked over to Helga and said,"I am SO jealous of you..." with a loving grin. Helga's turn and I afraid poor Brainy never stood a chance. Lightning fast, her hands clamped to his cheeks and she drew him into a kiss that super heated the room like a flash fire. He voice cracked as he said,"Not bad, I've had better." and there were no straight faces left to be found.

Finally, inevitably it was our turn. Whatever prankery I might have had cooked up was swept aside by a single look from Nadine. It was a look I'd never seen before and as such waited for an explanation. Gently taking my hands, fingers interlaced, she smoothly moved forward and kissed me...

kissed me...

kissed me...

kissed me...

This was not a friendly kiss, nor a lustful one. It was not a kiss for show or a kiss to thrill. It was a kiss that said I love you... and it rang through me like hydrostatic shock, destroying me from within.

Venificus... damnable witch. What spell are you weaving within me? I denounce you before God and all.

She drew back and repeated the mystery look. I was almost to tears. I glance over to Brainy, but am amazed that he isn't paying us the slightest bit of attention, intent instead on some animated conversation with El Curlito about some goddamned thing or another.

Does he really trust me so that this is of NO concern to him?

As I look back to Nadine, I get another kiss, which I attempt to return in earnest this time. I can only liken it to my spine popping one vertebra at a time. Leaning in to embrace me, she whispers to me,"Time to go, my sweet pea pod kid."

Who knew hell was a progressive affair?

To Be Continued...

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	4. Chapter 4

Nadine, Nadine 4 by King Cheetah

These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.  
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it.  
Enjoy.

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Like Napoleon's retreat from Moscow, our group staggers out into the parking lot and awaits the return of the overpriced limo. Evidently, the plan all along was to attend some manner of post dance party, though Nadine and Helga had guarded this information like the formula to Coca-Cola and sprang it on us at the last moment. Despite the Sadie Hawkins aspect of the evening having drawn to a close, the odd pairings remained.

While I wouldn't have expected it, perhaps this event had served to spark something within Tommy and Marianne, as they continued to hold hands and steal kisses every few moments, a comforting thought that some good may have come of all this. Thadius continued to beguile the once fearsome wolf pack and they playfully jockeyed for proximity to him, and perhaps more affection.

And then, I witnessed the oddest little bit of theater... Helga and Nadine were off to a side talking and apparently finalizing the plans for the rest of the evening. Arnold had wandered over to where Brainy and I were settled and was asking him about his experiences with Helga, when I noticed Phoebe trot over and strike up a rather animated conversation with Helga. After a short caucus of some manner or another, Helga smiled and nodded, much to Phoebe's delight.

Spinning about she bore down on us like a black rhino, and latched herself onto Arnold's arm, grinning,"You are MINE for the rest of the evening, naughty boy!" Stunned, Arnold cast an eye over to La Damme Pataki, who merely grinned and nodded some manner of assurance. Shrugging, he smiled and scooped the huggable Ms. Heyerdahl into the same loving embrace he favored her with all evening. Catching our looks, Arnold just smiled weakly.

"Dear boy, you bring a quiet dignity to male prostitution." I laughed.

"Yeah well, I'm addicted to heroin, and Helga beats me if I don't earn enough each night, but other than that, it's pretty cool..." he grins and earns a playful slap from Phoebe.

All kidding aside, I marvel at the level of trust between these three that Helga could allow this, not that I think Phoebe would abuse this arrangement.

Finally, all are present and accounted for, and we queue up for the limo ride, as I'm pulled aside by Nadine. "Our evenings far from over Ron." she smiles and kisses me again. Panicked, I look over but Brainy is once again paying us no mind what so ever. Is this some manner of defensive posture on his part, going cold turkey off of Nadine? Worse yet, am I being employed as some type of acid test of his resolve, a notion that infuriates me. That is not fair to either Brainy or myself, but I can't bring myself to believe that she'd be capable of such cruelty in the first place.

If anything, the drive from the party is far worse than to it. So much has happened, so much to think about. This night was everything I'd hoped for and everything I'd dreaded. I cannot live without her, it's that simple. But I'm stopped from suicide by the fear that there may indeed be an afterlife and surely another brand of hell awaits me after this one. Oh sweet oblivion, where are you when I need you most? What is there that can free me from her spell?

In stark contrast to before, Brainy is in high spirits, and I can only guess at what is going on in his head, for evidently, his night is going far better than my own. Have I been misreading this situation? Could it be that Arnold and Helga are breaking up and this is all an elaborate rouse for her to declare her feelings for him? There is a certain logic in this, but only to a point. Arnold with Phoebe earlier this evening, were a subtle bit of buttressing to this notion, but where would that leave Thadius? Had he and Phoebe split up?

No, that can't be it. This all requires to many people changing partners at once, which is too outlandish to believe would happen in the real world.  
Finally, this torturous ride is at a conclusion and we find ourselves at journey's end; the stylish townhouse of one Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd. Sadly, an unavoidable family outing prevented Rhonda from attending the evenings festivities, which was unfortunate as I genuinely enjoy her company. Given her closeness with Nadine, it's hardly surprising that she'd allow the use of her place in her absence for our amusement and I make a mental note to personally thank her for this.

The next surprise came as we mounted the stairs, and the front door opened to reveal Lila and Gerald, who'd contrary to stated intentions, had spent the evening in preparation of the townhouse in anticipation of our arrival, as well as whatever else an unsupervised young couple might find to do together alone in a nicely appointed townhouse. Gerald's smile and Lila's flushed complexion seemed to reenforce that scenario.

In the best tradition of House Wellington-Lloyd, this party was actually more fun than the dance itself, and I knew in my heart of hearts that wherever she was, Rhonda was well aware of this. Amusingly, a large number of people who'd not bothered with the Sadie Hawkins affair were in attendance, which all things considered was rather telling.

Half lost in my own thoughts, I drifted about the party just trying to burn off a bit of my nervous energy and clear my head. Nadine had evidently made some effort on the guest list as I was stunned to see the smiling faces of friends not seen since junior high school. Park, drink in hand laughed it up with Harold Berman and Stinky Peterson, as Eugene Horowitz was enjoying a chat with Sheena and Katrinka.

Rounding a corner I saw senior class president Wolfgang with his lady fair Jackie Harlow, whom we all simply called Mouse. Wolfgang had long ago cast off the role of bully in favor of the socially more acceptable mantle of student politician and found that his power amongst the student body had actually increased, as bribes were always larger than extorted funds...

What intrigued me was what I wasn't seeing, namely Brainy and Helga. My reveries were cut short s a familiar hand came to rest on mine and I turned to look right into the beatific gaze of Nadine. No words, just a slight incline of her head indicating the stairs to our right. Not explanation... just go, and so we did, ending up in the guest bedroom on the upper most floor of the townhouse.

My heart raced. What in god's name could she want to see me in the bedroom for? ...that's a rhetorical question, I had several hopeful outcomes to this setup, and knew in my heart that I was prepared for none of them. Door closed behind us, she was in my arms immediately, and was staggered by our first real kiss. Her scent, her tongue, the taste of her sent me reeling over the edge, and it was all I could do to remain standing.

After an embarrassingly long time, I shamefully pushed back gently and gasped, "Nadine! Oh for god's sake woman! What is your scheme here?" I'm panting now, both from the moment and my growing anger.

She looks genuinely baffled as I bid her to sit and I began to pace the floor. Catching my breath I look at her, "Nadine... y-you know how I feel about you, and this evening was everything I'd wished for... but... Listen, I know all about you moving away and I can't tell you how much all this means to me... no, no please let me finish. I can't imagine a time when I won't love you, but... but this should be Brainy's time with you, not mine. I'm used to being without you, but... he'll be the one losing you. I think it's only right that you spend the rest of your time with... him."

She just looked blankly at me for a minute, then smiling a little, stood and approached me. "So... you're saying that you'd give up everything I'd planned for us, to make Brainy happy? You feel that he deserves time with me over you? Is that what you mean?" Her face was a mask of sympathy.

Nodding, I say, "I... I think it's for the best. I think... it's the right thing to do."

She said nothing for a long time, and I couldn't bare to look at her. Putting her arms around my neck, she slowly drew me into a soft, sweet embrace and whispered in my ear, "Ron darling, I'm not the one moving out of town, Brainy is..."

WOO-HOO! Big finish next time!

To Be Continued...

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King Cheetah Extra

Shipping and Handling -- Rhonda Wellington-Lloyde

I had a chance recently to watch nine hours of Hey Arnold while recovering from a bout of illness... No really! Many credible physicians classify sloth as a desease, I read that somewhere. I don't owe you any explanations!

Be that as it may, I grabbed a stack of the tapes I'd made back when Nick ran HA! about three times a day and kicked back. Bleary eyed, head swimming, I staggered to my feet and stiff legged my way over to switch off the TV and try to reconcile all that I'd just witnessed. It was incredible. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this. I mean, I knew it was there, just not to this degree, but there was no escaping the obvious truth...

Rhonda Wellington-Lloyde is a bitch.

Tall, lean, and arrogant, Rhonda is the (thankfully) only child to Brooke and Buckley Wellington-Lloyde and self styled fashion advisor to anyone within a fifty yard radius of her... and we'll overlook the fact that she wears the same outfit in all but a handful of episodes. Gal pal Nadine in her slipstream, she can be seen wandering school yard, playground and the hood shitfaced drunk on her own sense of power. Noble oblige...

It's rather amazing to watch her in the show, as in the episodes that center on her, she SUCH an unsympathetic character. It's a wonder that any of the other kids even speak to her let alone hang out with her. Ah, but with a spin of the Flash Foward wheel, let's have a little look at how the future might treat She Who Must Be Adored...

1) "No, this isn't possible! Wellington-Lloydes don't GET pimples!"

That ole devil puberty can at times prove to be a humbling experience to even the most exalted of bloodlines, and Rhonda seem a ripe candidate for being taken down a peg or two by a genetic karma. One quick shift of metabolism and the future of clan Wellington-Lloyde could have a complexion like Apple Brown Betty and hair right out of Clan of the Cave Bear. Rather than filling out with soft French Cut Bikini curves, she might remain tall and reedy, and by age eighteen having no choice but to declare her bustline "Missing In Action".

And make no mistake, Rhonda would by no stretch of the imagination bare these chromosonal indignaties with good grace. Her daily dressing regimen might take up to three hours to reach the standards that she feels she warrants, which could lead to several tantilizing story ideas. But by the same token, she might enter her teenage years with the sort of heart stopping beauty that one normally associates with Mount Olympus or certain gated suburbs in Dallas. But with great boobs comes great responisibility and you could just as easily see her beauty being bane as well as boon.

Groundwork laid, where might the pen wander in the exploits of one earthbound yet heavenly?

2) "Curly... I-I've been the one sending you those letters..."

White Rhonda. Wealthy, beautiful, popular... and yet she feels she has nothing. Her life is an unending series of joyless parties and country club evenings, she is the poor little rich girl trapped in her parents soulless world of money and power. Her only solace? The ties and secret rendezvous with her oldest friends in the world, who're well aware of her situation and have stuck with her since grade school.

Center stange amongsts these play-ahs is the court jester himself, one Thaddeus Gammelthorpe, the merry pierrot devoted to this captive celestine. Now graced with good looks (or at least a better haircut), his razor sharp wit and ceasless efforts at her pleasure, he seldom fails to draw forth the best smile she has within her, and her love for him is beyond forbidden...

Alternately, she is regal and benevolent, Gloriana of her grade and much beloved amongst her peers. Graced and graceful, her parties are legendary, invitations prized and coveted by those who would walk in the airy realms of the schools beautiful people. Like a grand courtesan in ancient Edo, she is surrounded by not only her lifelong school friends, but all manner of rakes and dandies who'd see her favors bestowed upon them. But dark eyes also follow her and it falls to Curly to quietly seek out and nuetralize those who'd see her laid low. For the record, this is how I wrote her in "Cloudburst" and "Lila-Polooza".

But then of course there's Black Rhonda. Wealthy, beautiful, popular... and yet she feels that it's not enough, not by a long shot. Her life is an unending series of opulant parties and country club evenings, she is the diva larvea, learning the cruel and pitiless ways of her parent's soulless world of money and power. Her only diversion? Manipulating and controlling her old "friends" from grade shool, who're well aware of her scheming and are always on their guard. You get the idea...

She could run the gambit; air headed clothes horse, disaffected goth, meloncaly loner, wild party girl, Curly's spanking slave...

Aw nuts, did I say that out loud?

3) "Arnold, since you're the most popular boy in our grade, I thought that you and I should... talk."

I'll be the first to admit, I really like the idea of Rhonda and Curly... A LOT, but again, the devil's in the details. It all depends on the how and why of them getting together as well as how they might have changed to get to this point. Check out a BRILLIANT fic by Heidi Pataki called "All The Animals In The Zoo" (FFN won't let me post the URL; use the search.  
But if not Thaddeus Gammalthorpe, then who? Rex Smythe-Higgins if you want a little bastard in your story, or Peapodkid if a true gentleman is your pleasure (poor Nadine). The writers of the show played around for a while with the idea of Rhonda and Harold (...ew!) but later Craig Bartlett admitted that her fascination in him was in trying to change him; she saw him as only a project. I've had good luck with pairing her up with Gerald and was considering a little something with Lorenzo. Want a little hot two girl action? While I can't see Rhonda snogging with Nadine, Lila or Phoebe might just work (and remember, girls swapping spit will never, EVER not be cool!).

But let's get to the meat of it... Rhonda and Arnold. I've actually wanted to try this out for a while now but it's all in the set up. In "Hidden Hearts" I have Arnold in mourning after Helga's death in a car accident, as a fugitive Rhonda hides out in the boarding house. Arnold almost has a heart attack as he bumps into Rhonda coming out of the bathroom, having just bleached her hair blonde. From there... well, stuff happens... several times.

So then, anyone else have any thoughts on the once and future head cheerleader?  
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Ê 


	5. Chapter 5

Nadine, Nadine 5 by King Cheetah

These characters are from the sweat-beetled brow of Craig Bartlett... lucky stiff.  
Rated PG-13 cause I felt like it.

Enjoy.

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I am lying amongst the scattered wreckage of what once was the pride of the Aeroflot line in a field just outside of the Helsinki airport, and from the looks of it, I've been bisected by a errant bit of fuselage. This is pure supposition on my part, but I'm lying on my stomach and right before face are a pair of legs wearing my good Italian loafers, so I'm hesitant to look back for confirmation. A rescue worker scurries up and asked if I'm alright, and grinning, I reply,"Never better old boy. Why don't you have a look at how the other passengers are doing?"...

I am lying in a hospital bed somewhere in the inner city of Hillwood, unable to move and sprouting more tubes and wires than a science fair project. Every nerve ending is an individual star in my cosmos of shear agony to the point that even my eyebrows hurt. I catch my reflection in the polished metal surface of a medical service cart and am surprised to see just how little of 'me' is left of me, as I seem to have set a new world record for burn survival. Well, I suppose everyone should excel in something. The very picture of gravity, an ancient physician looks down at me and asked,"How do you feel, Mr. Tatum?" Grinning, I retort,"Tip top, my good man. I'm fighting fit!".

I am lying in one of the innumerable miles of trenches on the frontier during the First World War, mustard gas blistering every square inch of exposed flesh, which thanks to an Austro Hungarian aerial bomb, is considerable. About a hundred Tommy's and myself idly while away the time in staggering degrees of suffering, as medical corpsmen scuttle down over the ridge of the trench, and finding me asks,"Corporal Tatum, are you alright?" to which I reply,"Can't complain. Rather like holiday, actually." and give him a wink.

I am standing in the guest bedroom of Rhonda's townhouse with the sweetest of god's creations in my arms, and hoarsely whisper,"N-Nadine,... c-could you... repeat that? I'm not sure I caught it all?" Hugging me close, she pulls back to look me in the eye, "I said, I'm not moving anywhere. Brainy's family is relocating down to Tampa. Who told you I was going anywhere?"

That question went unanswered as I just let the latest version of the real world finish rebooting.

She was staying.

She wasn't moving.

She...

I looked concerned, "Hold on a moment, I demand some manner of explanation. What in god's name was this evening all about? What is going on with Brainy and Helga? And for that matter, what is the situation between you and I?"

She slowly strolled over to the bed and I temporarily put all conscious thought on hold as I waited to see just what exactly she had in mind. Evidently, great minds think alike as she sat and beguilingly patted the bed beside her.

Sadly, scruples and good breeding won out as I said, "Um, Nadine my sweet... aren't we rushing things a tad? Not that this isn't ever so tempting, it's just that I thought we might take this time to... talk."

Scowling, she stretched out on the mattress and said, "Ronson Edward Tatum! I have been on my feet all evening guiding this event through some very choppy emotional waters and I'm in no mood for chivalry! Now take off your shoes and get your ass on this bed this instant!" Grinning, I doffed my jacket and loafers and joined her saying, "Well, I can see that long term proximity to Helga seems to have a few dilatorious side effects..."

Laying beside her, head on my chest as I slowly stroked her hair, I was all but lost in her again, but fought to remain alert to her explanations. It would seem that over time, the relationship between Nadine and Brainy began to change, or more accurately, clarify. Their mutual feelings were strong, almost unbreakable, but each independently began to realize what they felt for each other was many things... just not love. Fighting this unwelcome truth for a time, eventually they relented to it's reality just about the time Brainy's father accepted a executive position in Tampa, Florida.

Both were happy with the turn of events, being ready to part company feeling their friendship could easily overcome several thousand miles of terrain. But while Brainy's feelings for Nadine had mellowed with age, his lingering feelings for Helga had not. She continued to haunt him, and this was a wound that Nadine felt it might be better to treat now, rather than let fester.

And so, unbeknownst to him, she approached Arnold and Helga and conspired with them to give him a send off worthy of such a good man, and more importantly, quiet time that he and Helga might work out his feelings for her. For one night, Helga would be there for him, so that they both might clear the air once and for all.

Fine, but what of my part in all this?

Rising on one arm, she brushed her fingertips gently across my cheek, "You, my sweet pea pod kid, were the only wildcard in this evening. I wanted nothing so much as to continue our relationship where we left off, but... I... I couldn't be sure where your heart REALLY lay after all this time. I was afraid you'd... not be able to trust me any more. So I convinced Brainy that this whole thing was an effort to reunite us." My look of shock must have been noteworthy, as it illicited a giggle from the angel beside me. This was all a little much to take in, "So... so, while Brainy believed himself to be working for OUR happiness..." I stammered.

"He was actually helping us set up an evening that was all for him and Helga. And he did a bang up job of it too!" she grinned. The notion made me smile, not just at how clever this scheme was, but that the man who's trust I was so intent on keeping was working so hard for my... OUR happiness.

"Um, Nadine... where exactly are... WE in all this. How would you describe the two of us?" My heart was racing, for however much I felt we were meant for each other, she still had the power to crush it. Smiling slyly, she moved to climb on top of me, spreading her long graceful legs to straddle my midriff, and gently placed her hands over my wrists, playfully pinning me to the mattress.

Looking down into my eyes, her face hovered mere inches above mine as she graced me with another one of her patented spine melting kisses.

"My darling, darling pea pod kid... I wasn't too sure about that myself til' we hit this room. I had a million, jillion ideas of how tonight would end and where we'd be at the end of it. I was ready to do almost anything to win back your love and trust. But here you go, all ready to give up everything that I knew meant so much to you, just because you thought it would make Brainy happy... well mister, you just reminded me why I fell in love with you in the first place."

Another kiss and another and another...

Gasping, I manage to say my piece, "Nadine..." Her very name is magic, as it's utterance banishes all pain and sadness.

"Nadine, my darling, I... I can't imagine a day that I don't love you, and you are everything to me... but..."

Her face froze as she perhaps thought that I would be the one to kill the night. Silly girl...

"...but I could not stand to lose you a second time. I want this union to be stronger than the mightiest oak, and so... I don't wish to rush this. I'll tolerate no regrets in the future or misteps forever albatrosing our happiness. We are together again and I want nothing more than your happiness, but I want to be absolutely sure that all we do is what's best for the both of us..."

sigh

"So then, whatever wanton excesses you may have considered for within these four walls... I'm... I'm asking for your patience. One day, you and I will recreate the Kama Sutra page for page... just not tonight. As we grew apart, I really think we need a bit of time to grow back together." She looks stunned for a moment, then grins and hugs me for all she's worth.

Basking in this moment, I whisper, "Come along my love, we've friends to enjoy."

Though it occurs to me then that a peek inside her tube top might not be out of bounds, but that moment had passed.

sigh

Composed, we return downstairs and straight into the knowing leer of Helga G. Pataki, she and Brainy's private talk evidently having concluded. Think what you like, hellion. I stand beside a creature of purity for whom angels weep with envy. Though it suddenly occurs to me that Helga's presence is a symptom of Brainy being in the vicinity. A reluctant parting kiss and I leave Nadine to find her other half, and the search is not a long one.

A brief exchange of knowing looks and we find ourselves out on the stoop and into the cool solitude of the evening air. For the longest time neither of us speaks, as so common were our experiences, that descriptions would be redundant. He had found his peace finally in Helga and was ready to strike out in new directions, while I'd regained my other half and was whole again.

"Er... Brainy, ole boy... thank you for all you've done... this whole evening, and all that. I mean that, really. It'd take me a dozen lifetimes to repay you for all this..." He waves me off with a dismissive smile, "Update your organ donor card to give me first dibs and we'll call it square." and we share another laugh.

"I can't think of a better steward to give her care to. Make her life the best you can, Ron."

Done and done, my friend.

Without warning, we notice Nadine standing at the head of the stairs, smiling down on us. This moment being a fitting cap on the evening, as so much energy is expended inside as the three people for whom it meant the most are on it's outer edge. Fitting somehow, that the three of us always seem to end up together in one combination or another.

She walks down and gives Brainy a loving kiss on the cheek, then sitting beside me, she takes my hand as we silently sit and enjoy both the cool night air and the warm company of each other...

THE END

...And there you have it. I really hope you've enjoyed the story.

If there's enough interest, Nadine and Pea pod Kid just might return in "BUG-A-LOO", in which they go on a summer road trip to Roswell,  
New Mexico. Thanks again for reading!

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King Cheetah Extra

Shipping and Handling - Phoebe Heyerdahl

Oft when putting pen to parchment in the noble endevour of fanfic, one can tire after tale upon tale of the perfect Arnold and Helga romance and be tempted to tales of a few of the lesser stars of the show, and who better that Helga's best friend and accomplice to numerous count of breaking and entering, Phoebe Heyerdahl. Only daughter to Kiyo and Rheba Heyerdahl, she is a bright, studious, but socially awkward nine year old who until the introduction of Lila Sawyer, was the smartest forth grader of PS 118. For stories set contemporainiously with the show, Phoebe will no doubt be found aiding Helga in her latest scheme or prank. But if one were to spin the clock forward and set your stories in middle or high school, how might Phoebe turn out?

1) "Wonder Bras only work SO well..."

Phoebe, meet puberty. Being a slim, petite young thing, it's easy to imagine her staying that way into her teens... or her thirties. This has lots of story potential both tragic and comic, from ugly duckling stories to Rhonda's nitwit attrempts to "fix" her. The show as is shows Phoebe as somewhat insecure and that would go along way to explain her friendship with Helga. Meek, mousey Phoebe, secure in the personal safty zone of Helga, whom no other forth grader will cross. To add insult to injury, Helga would probably be drop dead gorgeous in high school. Poor Phoebe...

2) "I was a genius... in fifth grade."

I myself was a straight "A" student until sixth grade, when I hit the wall and began my academic carreer as a straight "C" student until graduation. And I wasn't the only one. So what if brilliant Phoebe finds that sometime around sixth or seventh grade that she's no longer having such an easy time of it, and adding to her compusive need to excell, a tougher course load in high school could tip her over the edge. Goth Phoebe, anyone? Suddenly her world is SO unfair and no one understands what she's going through. Or you could have her trying to compensate through social connections (Rhonda's righthand girl) or other outlets likje sports(girljock). Lots of pathos potential.

3) "You're my best friend... just not in public."

Relationship going into high school are a tricky thing even in the best of times, but for Phoebe I can see it being especially choppy. First off, I see NO future for Phoebe and Gerald, and evidently the shows writers agree. The fifth season of Hey Arnold show few instances of Phoebe and Gerald together (in contrast to the previous seasons), and Gerald is noticably absent from a few episodes. Phoebe's Little Problem was rather startling in this regard in that not only was Gerald not making any effort to help Phoebe deal with her social stigma, Arnold WAS (Hmmmm, romance in the air?). And Helga will probably go from protecter to buddy, or maybe not even that. So then, what new friendships and/or romances might she have in her future?

Outside of introducing new characters, it's fairly easy to see her hooking up with any of the current female cast; She'd share Nadine's inquisitive, natural scientific curiosity, Sheena's social sensibilities, Rhonda's popularity, or oddly enough Lila's good natured company (who is alledgedly as good a student as Phoebe, so she might just have someone on her level). As for the guys, Park, Robert, and Joey are almost blank slates onto which you could create any sort of boyfriend for her that you like. Sid might clean up pretty good, and Phoebe might just be the thing in his life to calm him down a bit. Curly might just be less of a loon in high school, but would definately prove that opposites attract. And then there's Arnold...

So there you have it; a lot of good possibilities if you'd like to try something outside of the usual Arnold/Helga stories. Anyone have any other thoughts on this? 


End file.
